Saturday, October 9, 2010

Dear Katy

I was inspired by this post, and I immediately knew I had to participate. 
This is a letter to my pregnant self just before Annora was born.

Dear June Katy,
I'd like to think I know you pretty well, and if I remember correctly, you're at home making a chicken.  Don't do it.  It will end up being left out for days and you will have a swarm of flies in your kitchen when you get home.
I know you're feeling a mix of fear and excitement right now, but it's going to be a lot easier than you expect.  I also know that you haven't been thinking much about your little girl, whom you are about to meet.  I don't blame you.  You've had so much to worry about, it's hard to picture her tiny little face when there's so much on your mind.
I think you realize how little you know.  I think at one point it will occur to you that you don't know how to take care of a baby, or how to parent.  Relax.  You were made for this, and even when you don't know what to do, God will. 
I know you've heard that you will instantly fall in love with your baby, but that's not always true.  And you're not a bad mother if you don't.  When they lay your little girl on your chest, red and screaming, you'll desperately want to feel that hormonal rush,  but you won't.  It'll be later, holding your baby to your chest, watching her innocent expressions as she nurses, feeling the warmth of her body as she sleeps that you'll know she's yours.  It won't be right away, but it will come.
Soon you are going to have to nurse your baby.  I've never heard any one say it was easy, so don't blame yourself if it doesn't go well right away.  You will be extremely frustrated sometimes, but just have patience and be understanding.  These will turn into the most precious moments that your little girl will share with only you.
Patience and Understanding.  You are always praying for this for yourself, but you will need it so much more than you could imagine.  There's nothing that can prepare you for this sudden change.  Your baby will constantly need you and want to be with you.  She will cry a lot, and sometimes there's nothing you can do but hold her and keep telling her you love her.  When you get frustrated and think you can't take any more, just pray for an extra helping of patience and understanding.
This will seem like the hardest thing you've ever done (because it is) but it's the most rewarding and meaningful thing you'll EVER do.  Your little girl loves you, she wants your closeness, care and love.  I know that you'll give her more than she could ever need.  You just need to remember (and believe your husband when he tells you) that you are doing great.  Soon, your heart will be filled with so much pride and love that you won't be able to think of enough ways to express it.  You will give your daughter everything she needs and you will be the best mother for her.  You're not a bad woman for being frustrated, you just need the foresight and the patience to follow through to the good part.  I know that you have all of these things, or I would not be writing you this letter today.
Your heart will explode to an unimaginable size and you will eventually be the best mother possible for your baby, so don't get down and remember to soak it all in.
Take your time, pray, and trust that God will show you what to do.
You truly,
October Katy