The first time anyone ever suspected I was pregnant, I was at work. I commented that I was feeling generally weird and loopy. While this may not have made anyone who knows me think twice, my co-worker immediately joked that I was probably pregnant. We both chuckled a little and went back to our headsets and air-pots, but in my head, sirens, lights and alarm bells were going off.
As my pregnancy moved along, my brain started to feel more and more like it was filled with air, or water, or some other non-intelligent substance. I lost orders, barely avoided crashing my car, left produce in my car to freeze, and usually couldn't remember what day it was.
Once I left my management position, my head seemed to go somewhat back to normal. I thought reduced stress had cured me, although being in a car still caused general pandemonium. I'm not sure if I really did get some of my conscience back or if I just got used to being a numb-scull.
I realize now that during social situations, I'm really not all there any more. When I'm having conversations with my friends or family, sometimes I drift off into space while they're talking. When my boss is telling me important stuff, sometimes I realize later that I was paying no attention whatsoever, and I have to use a mixture of sub-conscience investigation and common sense to figure out what she said.
When I was visiting with one of my best friends over Christmas, I asked her the same question at least twice. I could tell she was a little irritated. Later I had to ask David to recap the conversation with me. Seriously, my husband knows more about my best friend than I do.
Certain things you can get rid of after a birth of a child, like daily emotional breakdowns, buffalo wing cravings, balloon feet and strangers telling you that you're HUGE. Other things stick around just to remind you of that wonderful time you brought a beautiful human into the world, like stretch marks, cellulite and the uncontrollable urge to say "Aaaaaaaaaaaw..." when you see a kid do something cute or a husband do something sweet. Aparently I need to add pregnant brain to that list, too because here I am, approximately fourteen months after contracting pregnant brain, I'm still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I may be doomed to a life of loopy-old-ladyness forever more.
Someone please tell me there's hope, or at least let me know I'm not alone.