I wanted to be an attachment parenter. I wanted to sweetly swoop over my baby every time she cried and sing her loving little lullabies till she quietly surrendered her screams to coos and giggles. But when she was born, and we couldn't understand why she wouldn't eat. Then we figured that out and she developed reflux. And then there was gas, and teething, and separation anxiety, and then I just didn't want to hear her cry anymore, so I laid her down with a pacifier and walked away.
I'm jealous of moms who fall to pieces whenever their babies cry. I wish my world would fall apart every time I heard the tiniest little whimper. I wish I could have that primal urge to always be at my baby's side. But I'm not a super-mom. I'm just a lady with a baby who's trying to be a good person and show her baby what love is. Not frustration or anger or temper tantrums.
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